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  • Writer's pictureIngrida Danytė

Coregulation in Relationships: How Being with Others Affects Our Nervous System

What is Coregulation?


Coregulation is a process where people help each other feel calm and balanced through their interactions. It happens naturally in relationships and involves syncing up our nervous systems with others. When we're with someone who is calm and regulated, their presence can help us feel more at ease and balanced.


How Coregulation Works


  • Emotional Synchrony

    When we interact with others, especially those we trust, our emotions and physiological states can align. For example, if you’re feeling anxious and someone close to you is calm and supportive, their calmness can help you feel more relaxed. This is because our nervous systems communicate and influence each other.


  • Non-Verbal Communication

    Much of coregulation happens through non-verbal cues. Our body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice can all impact how the other person feels. When we smile, maintain eye contact, or use a soothing tone, we help create a sense of safety and connection.


  • Shared Emotional Experience

    Being with others in a supportive and empathetic way helps regulate our emotional state. For instance, if you’re going through a tough time and talk to a friend who listens and understands, their empathy can help you process your feelings and calm down.


The Importance of Coregulation in Relationships


  • Building Trust and Safety

    Coregulation is crucial for building trust and safety in relationships. When people consistently respond to each other’s emotional needs, it creates a secure environment where both can feel safe and supported. This trust is fundamental for healthy, fulfilling relationships.


  • Enhancing Emotional Resilience

    Positive coregulation helps us bounce back from stress more effectively. When we have supportive people around us, we can manage our emotions better and recover from difficult situations more quickly. This support system strengthens our emotional resilience.


  • Developing Healthy Connections

    Coregulation fosters deeper and more meaningful connections with others. When we engage in positive, supportive interactions, we build stronger bonds and improve our overall sense of well-being. These healthy connections can also positively impact our mental and physical health.


Practical Tips for Effective Coregulation


  • Be Present

    Offer your full attention when interacting with others. Being present and engaged helps create a supportive environment where co-regulation can thrive.


  • Practice Active Listening

    Show empathy and understanding by actively listening to what others are saying. This helps them feel heard and supported.


  • Use Calming Non-Verbal Cues

    Smile, maintain eye contact, and use a soothing tone of voice to convey warmth and reassurance.


  • Encourage Open Communication

    Promote honest and open communication in your relationships. Sharing feelings and concerns helps strengthen the bond and supports co-regulation.


Understanding coregulation and its role in our relationships can greatly enhance our emotional well-being and the quality of our connections with others. By actively engaging in supportive and empathetic interactions, we create a nurturing environment that helps us all feel more balanced and connected.

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